I often feel like I am not being heard by the people I actually want to hear me. Sometimes I get shut down before finishing my sentence or someone just blurres out "well, that's not
true," while I'm still speaking. Well how would you know, if you won't even let me talk? I think to myself. I'm not confrontational at all so I often let it slide, until I realized that
this was actually very toxic to me.
I will let it slide when I don't know or care for the person, but when someone you actually love shuts you down that hurts. To me that says, "I don't care about your voice, be quiet and only speak when it fits my view".
And when someone you care about hurts you, the relationship changes. It feels like a stab in the heart every time you are interupted. And you become more anxious around them. And after a while you start to avoid being around them completely because who wants to feel like they have to defend themselves all the time.
The closer you are to someone, the more it hurts
Unfortunately it's almost always done by the people the closest to us. Our parents, siblings, a partner or any other relative you respect. However, where is your respect?
You might figure out that because they always talk over you, they've never gotten the chance to really know you. People change all the time, so they might not even know who you are at the moment.
It's not you, it's them
People can only hear you when they are able to comprehend what you are saying.
A strong and stable person, who is able to be vulnerable enough with themselves and look at their own faults.Those are the people who come back and apologize to you because they took the time to reflect on their actions when you told them to.
Try to understand that it is not your fault that they cannot hear you. It's very annoying, but it's not something you can change. They have to change themselves. And if they don't want to that is completely their choice. However, you also have the choice to deal with their disrespect or not.
Own your own voice
There comes a time that you have to address how they make you feel. Be respectful and honest. Use sentences that start with "I feel like" instead of "you make me feel". If you say the latter they might feel attacked. It's about strengthening your relationship and feeling respected within that relationship. And to get that result you have to be respectful yourself. If you feel yourself getting angry because the other person doesn't take the time to listen to you, have the conversation another time.
It's important to speak up when you are uncomfortable because the more you do that, the more your confidence will grow. This is your life and you have the right to be comfortable in your own skin wherever you are.
Your time and energy is a privilege
Realize that your time and energy is way more important than anything else. Do not keep repeating yourself, but state clear boundaries that fit your character. If they don't give you the respect you deserve, distance yourself and choose to only deal with them when you have the head space and energy for it. Being part of you and your life is always a privilege.
And you always have the right to say what you feel you need to say.
Speak to you soon!🌺