I Am An Emotional Eater

🕠 Reading time: 4 minutes

I am an emotional eater.This means that what I eat and how much I eat really depends on how I'm feeling. I always kinda knew, but never really did anything about it. My excuse?

"Don't we all need to eat? "

I always felt good about being able to survive very hard times, without any medication or addictive substances. But I guess I was lying to myself the whole time.
Yesterday, I found myself at the store again looking for.. well something. Anything. And in the end it was maybe temporarily satisfying.

I share this because it may sound familiar to you. Since we are living in trying times, we all seem to pretend like it's normal to emotionally eat.
For me, looking for food in the supermarket or online, can literally calm me down. I could scroll through menu's for hours on food delivery apps, like it's my Instagram feed. I add some to my cart. And I delete some. Most of the time I end up getting off the couch and cook something more healthy and way less expensive. But sometimes I don't, because I really feel like I deserve it in some way.

To me, emotional eating is a sign that I'm not in the right headspace. My body and spirit are clearly disconnected and instead of facing it, I want to stuff myself. My life feels out of control, therefore my eating also is. I feel miserable, so I deserve to feel satisfied. But there are also moments, when I'm really feeling down, I don't eat anything at all.  So yes, I am aware of my bad eating habits, but I haven't found the right way to deal with it yet.

The danger with emotional eating is the validation of other people. It gives you an excuse to keep lying to yourself about your eating habits.
"Girl, you are just fine as you are" or "O, everybody works from home, so what's a few pounds extra."
And the fact that I'm Carribean isn't helping. 

My body type has been a trend for the last few years, so where is the problem?
Also, I am confronted with the fact that my boyfriend can eat Anything without gaining a singular pound, which isn't helping either. "I used to be that way", my inner voice whispers to me sadly, while watching him enjoy his second plate of food.

So, then you gain weight. Hate yourself for it, read the news, get stressed, go to the store, and eat everything that was supposed to last you two days, within 3 hours. After watching YouTube for an hour, the algorithm decides to hit you with an intermittent fasting video, triggering me to start right now! Now? Yes, right now! But it's Monday night, why would you.. Exactly the time to start! The next day you realize you've had breakfast too early, because you forgot that you were fasting. And it's Tuesday now. So of course, that means I have to wait a week to start over again. I grab my bag and leave my house.
Yes, I am on my way to the store.

Talk to you soon!
Sincerely,
Ariangela🌺