What depression feels like
Trigger warning: Suicide and self-harm will be mentioned down below.
Depression is on the rise to becoming one of the most deadly mental health diseases in our lifetime. And that's not surprising at all. We're living at such a high pace, trying to keep up with people because we think we need to be somewhere else than we currently are. All the while dealing with hardships, insecurity, and trauma. Depression is far more than just an off-day with a few negative thoughts. You're mentally in pain, but you feel it physically. And in the meanwhile, your mind is trying to convince you that you have nothing or no one to live for.
People who suffer from depression, are often very good at hiding it. Sometimes so good that they even hide it from themselves. But it's visible in their lifestyle and in the way they speak of themselves. Long periods of depression can cause heart disease, self-harm, and even death.
The causes of depression are
• Hormonal imbalance
• Genetics
• Postpartum
• Living through trauma
• Trauma to the body
• Long periods of stress and burn-out
• Not living in your purpose
• Low self-esteem
• Unhealthy relationships
• Abuse of any kind
• Other (mental) health issues
• Other significant circumstances
Physically it feels like
• You are unable to make eye contact because you are afraid people can see the pain in your eyes.
• You over eat, or you eat nothing at all
• You might inflict wounds on yourself because you want to feel the pain physically instead of mentally.
• You are exhausted
• You have the strong urge to leave. You want to be anywhere, just not where you are.
"Depression is not a sign of weakness. It means that you've been strong for far too long" - Unknown
Emotionally it feels like
• The pain feels similar like grieving the death of a loved one
• The pain can also feel like a fresh heartbreak
• You are frustrated of feeling stuck
• Things you used to love, don't bring you any joy
• You feel like crying to relieve yourself
• You are much more impulsive and reckless
Mentally it feels like
• You feel like you're on autopilot. You just do what you have to do and put on the mask that suits the role.
• You're desensitized to violence on tv or in a movie. Nothing from the outside seems to really get to you
• You try to avoid human interaction
• It feels like a dark cloud came over you and you're unable to see clearly. Sometimes you can see it coming. When it subsides it literally feels like you can breathe again
• At the moment it feels endless
• You wonder why you are alive and if it's worth it
• Because you are busy in your head you are not fully aware of your surroundings. And you don't care
Depression is a mental battle you have to fight within your mind to stay alive. You are biologically hardwired to try and survive, but a depressive episode can make it very difficult. And an episode can take up from a few days all the way to weeks at a time. Someone dying of suicide often happens in a split-second decision. But I'd like to make it clear that no one who has suicidal thoughts, wants to die. They really want the pain to stop.
Always get professional help involved while dealing with depression. Because it is a monster that can and will grow far above your reach if left untreated.